I never expected my engagement to change my friendship with my best friend, but that is exactly what happened. We had been close for years, and I always considered him one of the most important people in my life. We could talk about almost anything, and I trusted him completely. When I got engaged, he was one of the first people I told. I honestly believed he was happy for me because he congratulated me, helped me celebrate, and acted like everything was normal. My fiancé also knew about our friendship and never had a problem with it because I had always been completely open about how close we were. I thought I had found a way to balance my relationship and my friendship without hurting anyone.

A few weeks after my engagement, my best friend suddenly asked if we could talk privately. At first, I assumed he wanted to discuss the wedding or something personal in his own life. Instead, he told me that he had been in love with me for years. I was completely shocked. He said he had hidden his feelings because he was afraid of ruining our friendship, but seeing me engaged had made him realize he could no longer keep them to himself. He told me that he had always hoped I would eventually see him as more than a friend. I didn’t know what to say because I had never viewed our relationship romantically. I cared about him deeply, but only as a friend. I told him that I loved my fiancé and was committed to marrying him. I also apologized if I had ever unknowingly given him the wrong impression, but I made it clear that my feelings were not going to change.

For a while, I thought that conversation had settled everything. My friend seemed disappointed, but he told me he respected my decision. I hoped we could eventually move past the awkwardness. However, his behavior slowly started changing. He began making comments about how my fiancé didn’t understand me the way he did. He would point out small disagreements between us and suggest that I was making a mistake by getting married. Whenever I talked about wedding plans, he became noticeably uncomfortable. Eventually, he started sending me long messages late at night about how we were supposedly meant to be together. I repeatedly asked him to stop because I didn’t want to encourage those feelings, but he kept insisting that he was only being honest about what was in his heart.

The situation became much worse when he crossed a line I never expected him to cross. One evening, after another conversation about my engagement, he told me that he couldn’t accept losing me and tried to kiss me. I immediately stepped away and told him that what he had done was completely unacceptable. I was angry, hurt, and honestly scared because this was someone I had trusted for years. He apologized afterward, but then tried to justify his actions by saying that he had loved me for so long and that he thought I secretly felt the same way. I told him that my friendship with him never gave him permission to ignore my boundaries. At that point, I realized that this wasn’t simply an unrequited-love situation anymore. He had confessed his feelings, I had clearly rejected them, and he still chose to cross a physical boundary.

I eventually told my fiancé everything because I didn’t want to hide something this serious from him. Thankfully, he listened instead of blaming me, although he was understandably upset. I also decided to distance myself completely from my best friend. Losing a friendship that had meant so much to me was painful, but I realized that protecting my relationship and my own boundaries had to come first. Looking back, I still struggle with the fact that someone I trusted for so many years had been carrying feelings I never knew about. I don’t blame myself for not returning those feelings, and I don’t believe being close friends with someone means you owe them a romantic relationship. What hurts the most is that when I said no, he didn’t respect it. Now I am left wondering whether the friendship I thought I had was ever what I believed it was.

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My best friend kissed me because I got engaged

Okay, so some backstory:

My (26F) best friend (26M) and I have known each other since kindergarten. We grew up a few streets apart and went to the same schools until we graduated from high school. We became really close in middle school, and that’s when I developed the biggest crush on him. I want to think that my crush on him was very obvious. All of our mutual friends would try to “set us up” or find cute childish ways to get us to hang out alone. But it never turned into anything more than a genuine friendship.

Although I knew he didn’t feel the same way about me, I think my preteen-teenager self truly fell in love with him. But by the time we graduated high school, my crush on him was nonexistent. Especially since he was known for having several flings whenever he was single. And then, I saw him only as my best friend.

Since then, we have been nothing but that, friends. My fiancé knows that I USED to have major feelings for this friend. There was never an issue with our friendship, though, because my feelings for him were completely gone before I even met my fiancé. During these past 6-7 years, there weren’t any obvious signs that my friend showed ANY attraction towards me either.

So let’s fast forward to this year. I got engaged. I’m beyond thrilled. I can’t wait to celebrate with our loved ones. My girl best friend put together a small hangout with our group of friends, including my guy best friend. My fiancé opted out of the hangout because he wanted to go out with his best friends (my BILs), and we both agreed that the two groups wouldn’t match too well but would meet back up at home (we got an apartment together 3 years ago, and my guy best friend got one 5-10 minutes away) when the night ended.

Sunday night was the night, and we went to a local bar. It was the best. I felt so loved and was so happy to share my excitement with all my close friends. Once it was time to go home, my guy best friend offered to take me home. I had a little too much to drink, and he admitted to staying sober to make sure I got home safely.

On the ride home, we talked as usual and I thanked him for being such a great friend. When the word “friend” came out, he looked at me and said, “I never saw you as just a friend. I wish you knew that.” I instantly sobered up and asked him what the fuck he meant by that. He pulled into a guest parking spot at my apartment complex and proceeded to tell me how he has always loved me and can’t believe that I’m going to marry someone who isn’t him.

By then, I was crying out of pure anger and frustration. And maybe because the teenage version of me was feeling the heartbreak of this. Through the tears, I laughed at him and said something along the lines of, “how dare you. You knew how I used to feel about you and had years to act on it. You didn’t, so I moved on. I was in love with you for years. You are not allowed to just confess your love for me because I’m going to get married,” and he cut me off with a kiss.

I did not kiss him back. I shoved him away, left his car, dragged my ass up to my unit, and sat on my couch sobbing until my fiancé came home. The second he walked in the door, I told him everything and admitted to feeling so much guilt. He took it very well and let me get my words and emotions out before telling me that what happened wasn’t okay and I should take the time and space I need away from my friend, but that I should have a conversation with him once I’m ready.

Is it bad that the guilt I feel is kind of fueled by a five-second thought I had where I wished he had told me this years ago? I am so in love with my fiancé, but now I can’t help but sit and mourn with my teenage self. And I’m just not sure how to move forward. I’d hate to lose his friendship but what he did was not okay..

My Best Friend Was Like Family to Me

I never imagined that getting engaged would completely change one of the most important friendships in my life. My best friend and I had known each other for years, and throughout that time, I had always considered him family. We had been through breakups, career problems, family arguments, celebrations, and countless ordinary days together. He was the person I could call when I needed advice, and I genuinely believed our friendship was strong enough to survive major changes in both of our lives.

When I met my fiancé, my best friend knew about the relationship from the beginning. I talked to him about my dates, my doubts, and eventually how serious things were becoming. He never openly complained about my fiancé, so I assumed he was comfortable with the relationship. When my fiancé proposed, my best friend was one of the first people I told. I expected him to be excited for me because he had always said he wanted me to be happy.

He congratulated me when I showed him the ring, but something about his reaction felt slightly strange. He smiled and hugged me, but the excitement seemed forced. I asked him if everything was okay, and he insisted that it was. I didn’t think much of it at the time because I assumed he was simply processing the fact that his best friend was getting married. I had no reason to believe there was something deeper behind his reaction.

Over the next few weeks, I became busy with wedding planning. There were family discussions, venue decisions, guest lists, invitations, and endless conversations about what kind of wedding we wanted. My best friend remained involved in my life, but I noticed that he became quieter whenever I talked about the wedding. Sometimes he would change the subject, and other times he would make vague comments about how quickly everything was happening.

I assumed he was just worried about losing our friendship after I got married. I actually reassured him several times that getting married wouldn’t mean disappearing from his life. I told him that friendships were important to me and that I would always make time for the people I loved. Looking back, I realize he probably heard those words very differently than I intended.

A few weeks after my engagement, he asked me if we could meet somewhere private because he needed to tell me something serious. I thought maybe he was dealing with a personal problem. When we met, he seemed extremely nervous. He kept looking down and struggling to find the right words. Finally, he told me that he had been in love with me for years.

I honestly thought I had misunderstood him. I asked him what he meant, and he repeated that he had romantic feelings for me. He said he had been hiding them because he was terrified that telling me would destroy our friendship. According to him, he had always hoped that one day I would realize that we belonged together.

I was completely shocked. There had never been a moment when I thought of him romantically. I loved him as my best friend, but there was absolutely no romantic attraction from my side. I tried to be as gentle as possible because I knew that admitting something like that must have been difficult for him.

I told him that I cared about him deeply but that I was in love with my fiancé. I explained that my engagement was not something I was confused about. I wasn’t choosing my fiancé because my best friend had waited too long to confess. I simply did not have romantic feelings for him, and that wasn’t going to change because he had finally told me how he felt.

He became emotional and asked me if I had ever suspected that he wanted more than friendship. I told him honestly that I hadn’t. He seemed almost surprised by my answer. He said that he thought certain moments between us had been signs that I felt the same way. I explained that the things he considered romantic were simply normal things that close friends did together.

He eventually apologized for putting me in such an uncomfortable position and said he respected my decision. I wanted to believe him. We agreed to give each other some space so that he could process everything. I thought that after some time, we might be able to rebuild our friendship with clearer boundaries.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t what happened. After a short period, he started making comments about my fiancé. At first they were subtle. He would say things like, “Are you sure he’s really the person you want?” or “You know me better than you know him.” I tried not to argue because I assumed he was still struggling emotionally.

Then the comments became more direct. He began pointing out every disagreement I had with my fiancé and treating normal relationship problems as evidence that we were incompatible. If I mentioned that my fiancé had been stressed about work, my friend would say that he would never treat me that way. If I mentioned a small argument, he would tell me that I deserved someone who understood me without making me explain myself.

I eventually told him that I didn’t want to discuss my relationship with him anymore. I reminded him that I had already answered his question about my feelings. I was engaged, I loved my fiancé, and I needed him to respect that. He apologized again and promised he would stop.

For a few days, things seemed normal. Then he started sending me emotional messages late at night. Some were about our friendship, while others were clearly romantic. He would tell me that he couldn’t stop thinking about what our lives could have been like together. He talked about vacations we could have taken, a home we could have shared, and even what our future children might have looked like.

Those messages made me uncomfortable because I had never encouraged those thoughts. I told him that he needed to stop sending me messages like that. I also reminded him that I was preparing to marry someone else. Instead of simply accepting my boundary, he told me that he couldn’t control how he felt.

One night, he asked to see me in person because he said there was something he needed to explain. I almost refused, but because we had been friends for so long, I agreed. I thought maybe he wanted closure. I believed that having one final conversation might help him accept the situation and move forward.

During that conversation, he told me that he couldn’t accept losing me. He said that my engagement had made him realize he had waited too long to tell me how he felt. He blamed himself for staying silent and said that if he had confessed earlier, things might have been different.

I told him that I couldn’t change the past. More importantly, I told him that even if he had confessed earlier, my answer would still have been no. I said that I loved him as a friend but had never wanted a romantic relationship with him. I asked him to please accept that and stop trying to convince me otherwise.

Instead of responding, he suddenly moved toward me and tried to kiss me. I immediately stepped away. I was stunned because I had just spent weeks explaining my boundaries to him. This wasn’t an accidental misunderstanding. I had already told him clearly that I didn’t want a romantic relationship with him.

He immediately apologized and said he had lost control of his emotions. He tried to explain that he had loved me for so long that he couldn’t help himself. That explanation only made me angrier. Loving someone does not give you permission to ignore their boundaries, especially after they have explicitly told you no.

I told him that what he had done had changed everything. I no longer felt safe being alone with him, and I couldn’t pretend that our friendship was the same. He begged me not to end our friendship and promised that it would never happen again. But at that point, I realized that I could no longer trust him the way I once had.

I decided to tell my fiancé what happened. I was terrified that he might misunderstand the situation or become angry with me, but I also knew that keeping it secret would make things worse. I explained the entire situation, including the confession, the messages, the comments about our relationship, and what happened when my friend tried to kiss me.

My fiancé was understandably upset. He wasn’t angry at me, but he was angry that someone I trusted had repeatedly ignored my boundaries. He asked why I had continued communicating with my friend after the first confession, and I explained that I had genuinely believed we could remain friends. I never expected him to take things this far.

In the end, I cut contact with my best friend. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made because I wasn’t only losing a friend. I was losing years of memories and a version of our relationship that I had believed was genuine. Part of me still misses the person I thought he was, but another part of me wonders how much of our friendship I misunderstood.

The experience has taught me that you can care deeply about someone without owing them romantic feelings in return. I never promised my best friend that we would be together, and being emotionally close to someone does not automatically mean there is a hidden romantic relationship. I also learned that a person’s feelings may explain their behavior, but they do not excuse disrespecting someone else’s boundaries. I still feel sad about how everything ended, but I know I made the right decision. Now I am trying to focus on my fiancé and the future we are building together, while accepting that sometimes the hardest part of growing up is realizing that someone you trusted was never seeing the relationship the same way you were.